How To Get Back With An Ex

Breaking up is a part of life, it happens to most of us at one time or another. I feel for you, I know too well what you're experiencing.

But no matter how badly your relationship ended, you must understand that in most cases getting back together again is absolutely possible. People do it all the time.

It's though, I know, and it seems like the end of the world, like you've just lost everything. People close to you will usually tell you that it's over. That you need to let go and move on.

My name is Jerry Harrell and I'm here to tell you that it's not over, if you don't want it to be.

There is a lot you can do to get your ex back, but there is also a lot you can do to completely ruin your chances of ever getting back together. That is why you need to know what you're doing, you need a plan:

4 Step Plan To Get Your Ex Back

Here is a four step plan to getting your ex back:

• Step 1: Don't panic!
• Step 2: Things to avoid (important!)
• Step 3: Making a plan
• Step 4: Re-igniting the spark

I urge you to go through all the steps one by one, but if you're in a hurry, then at least read Step 2: Things to avoid - it's for preventive measures.

Step 1: Don't panic!

The very first thing you need to do is stop panicking. I know it's hard, but please - take a deep breath and try to calm down. Panic is bad. It won't help you, it will just make things worse.

When in panic mode, people tend to do things that only worsen the situation. Breakup is a highly emotional experience, but you mustn't let your emotions ruin your chances of getting your ex back.

Most people do this wrong, they act on impulse and out of desperation, driving their loved ones even further away, just because of a few very common mistakes they make. You have to promise me right now that you won't make those mistakes (more on mistakes in Step 2).

When you're stressed out, you are going to think and act irrationally. Try to relax, try to calm your heart as well as your mind. I know this is easier said than done, especially in times of emotional stress and turmoil. If you need any help with this step, go to Meditaiment website and listen to their guided relaxation tracks. Most people find it very effective.

More about relaxation techniques can be found here.

Step 2: Things to avoid

Before you do anything, anything at all, please take your time and learn what NOT to do!

People behave very irrationally when their emotions run wild. Although their behavior may seem totally right to them at that moment, they're not doing themselves any favors. What may seem to them like the right thing to do is actually the worst thing they can do.

The following is a list of DONTS that you should avoid at all costs. All these donts have one thing in common - they make you unattractive in the eyes of your ex, which is exactly the opposite of what you want:

• Don't drink and dial - This is a classic mistake. People go out to have some fun, to forget about the breakup, but then the alcohol kicks in and they lose all control over their emotions. Then the desperation sets in and you know what happens next. This is very unappealing to the person on the other side. You also shouldn't drown yourself in alcohol.
  
  
• Don't text or email - More or less the same as the above.
  
  
• Don't be needy - No one likes a needy and clingy person. It's very unattractive and it won't win you any points.
  
  
• Don't beg - Begging is childish and immature. It won't fix your relationship. Don't apologize and promise you that you will do anything. You don't want to be a doormat.
  
  
• Don't be desperate - What are the chances of your ex taking you back out of pity? Probably not very high. Even if he or she would take you back out of pity, I can almost guarantee you - your relationship won't last very long.
  
  
• Don't do rebound dating - especially, if your intention is to play the jealousy card.
  
  
• Don't freak out - and do something stupid. You'll regret it later.
  
  
• Don't stalk or be creepy like this guy:
  
  
  
  

All of the above will make you unattractive to your ex, so stop doing it. If you've done some of it already, you might have done some damage, but it's probably not too late. For now, just stop doing it.

Step 3: Making a plan

Ok, so you're not panicking anymore, you're not harassing your ex with phone calls, emails, or text messages, and you're certainly not as creepy as the guy in the video. Well done, you can tap yourself on the back. Now what?

Now, you make a plan - an effective plan of action that will bring you and your ex together.

Trying to approach your ex without a plan is a bad idea. Don't just pick up the phone and hope that you will find something appropriate to say. Something can easily go wrong, that's why you have to think about everything you are going to do before you do it.

The following might not be conventional and may seem counter-intuitive, but trust me - it works.

Part 1: Cooling off period

After a breakup it is important that you and your ex spend some time apart. How long? Between 2 and 4 weeks.

The first thing you should do is stop all communication. I'm guessing you have many what ifs right now:

• What if they find someone else in the meantime?
• What if they move on and forget about me?

These are all legitimate questions, but you should understand that it's not easy for your ex either. People don't just forget relationships, so you don't have to constantly remind them of how great you were together. They know and will not forget.

If you ex starts dating someone else, remember that rebound relationships don't last. They are quite common, but they don't last. A rebound relationship is usually just a sing that they want to distract themselves from a breakup and soothe their emotional wounds.

During this cooling off period, you have to appear as though you have accepted the breakup. You should also use this time to try figuring out what went wrong. Don't be too hard on yourself and try to be objective.

Part 2: Taking action

First contact

After the cooling off period (usually from two weeks to a month) it's time to contact your ex again. This is a very important moment, so you have to do it right.

One of the best ways for first contact is a letter, a hand-written letter.

A hand-written letter has much bigger impact than anything else. It stands out, it's personal, it's special.

Of course, the letter itself won't help you much, if you don't know what to say. And you have to be careful here, because you don't want to say something that can have a negative effect.

This is a difficult step, I know, so if you need any help, take a look at this step by step manual that my buddy T Dub wrote. He also has some letter templates that I'm sure you will find useful.

Meeting up

The next step is to ask your ex for a casual date. Nothing big, just a short meet up at the coffee shop for a quick catch up. Keep it short and casual.

Avoid the heavy subjects, just relax and be positive. This is the opportunity to show your ex that you've grown and changed in positive ways.

Don't spend too much time together and don't end the date by scheduling another. You should take things slowly.

Step 4: Re-igniting the spark

Now that you've got your foot in the door, so to speak, it's time to re-ignite the spark. There are a lot of things you can do and if you push the right buttons at the right times your ex will almost certainly start to have second thoughts about the breakup.

If you've read this entire page you already know more than most people. But truth be told, these are just the basics. To tell you everything I would need to write a book. Luckily, my friend T Dub did just that.

I highly recommend his ebook, which is basically a 62 page manual on making up with your ex. It's called The Magic Of Making Up and you can download it here.

The bottom line: If you are really serious about getting back with your ex, you need a serious plan.

Just remember, getting your ex back is possible.

Your truly,

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